Smells like COVID

I spent my birthday with COVID. At last, the bug came around and nipped me when I least expected it.  I spent my birthday week in bed mostly.  Then when I was finally good to go, everyone was too scared to be around me.  My birthday week, quite frankly, sucked.  I still made the most of it though.  I took some time to sleep because I genuinely needed it, but I also had some time to deeply reflect on some emotions I have been running from.  The pandemic created a plethora of experiences.  Experiences I had not hoped for, but it is what it is.  Looking straight at the gaping hole was… difficult to say the least.

I spent time reflecting in bed, journaling, meditating on the ocean salt air.  It’s been… nice. Nice to finally process all of the morbid events that took place in this pandemic. Morbid things that I genuinely just… ran from. Running is sometimes easier than looking the demon in the eye and facing the reality of what that entails.  I’ve missed spending time with my dogs and spending time on the water. I’ve always loved the ocean breeze, the sand between my toes, and smell of salt entangling my coarse wild hair.

I feel rested, my soul at ease, even amidst all of the uncertainty.  It’s been nice sitting in the silence, listening to the ocean whisper, the sun bathing my skin.  I miss it.  I have felt so far from the place(s) that feel like home.  I guess it’s safe to say my transition to this new space/place has been difficult.  Los Angeles has never been home to me and it will never feel like home to me.  I belong in areas of silence, where the glitz and glamour doesn’t pummel the air you breathe.  I like the unruliness of mother earth, walking in the rain with no umbrella, and letting my skin breathe.  I like the dirt between my hands, breathing life into the harvest, and my nose turning pink from the sheer cold of the mountains.


And you?


With Love,

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All photos, writings, poems, and opinions are my own.


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