And with the snap of a finger, I am a P3 student. It’s been a difficult experience. It is not an easy path, and it is a process that is seldom discussed when you’re the first in your lineage. In my life there has been very little support to garner me to the platform I am on. It has been a lonely journey, and there are only a hand full of women who have walked in similar shoes as me (with my cultural background). Throw in the competitive nature of tier one universities, a pandemic, balancing a marriage, and a lot of hard work — it begins to feel like you’re slowly drowning. Gasping. But you look at the person next to you and they seem to be doing perfectly fine.
So you think, maybe it’s just me. You pick yourself up, but then you fall right down again and start to feel like maybe everything you’re doing is wrong. Turns out, it’s not. This is just the way it is. There are resources others have access to, that make it a bit easier. There are bits of knowledge passed down from their familial and privileged knowledge. Things they knew would make the path easier. Things you never knew because you did not grow up with the same access.
You learn kindness, love, flexibility, and adaptability. That’s pretty much the name of the game. The game is meant to break you, but you pick yourself up and you mold yourself to be even more tenacious than they remember you. You grant kindness, resilience, love, and forgiveness in a world that is more judgmental than ever. A world that is just waiting for you to make one mistake, before it cancels all of your broken, holistic, and intergenerational human experiences.
I am grateful that I am halfway through. I am eagerly awaiting my P3 year and all the blessings that are to come. With so many difficulties, the past two years, I just want to give the world love and grace, and I hope that they may grant me the same. I am grateful for the people who have cheered me on from the sidelines. Cheered me as I work 40+ hours every week during school, while juggling research, my family, and extracurricular positions. Grateful for the people who see how tired I am, and ask if I am okay. Grateful for the check ins following my diagnosis last semester. Grateful that God continually blesses me and provides me with new opportunities. Grateful that he allows others to see the work that I put in at all times of the day. Grateful that he loves on me, especially on the days I feel ugly inside and out.
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All photos, writings, poems, and opinions are my own.