I love planners, organizers, books, and flipping through pages. When my husband and I first started dating, I told him I wanted a home with a library, large windows, and a willow tree. I was fifteen. I’ve always liked how crisp paper feels underneath my finger tips. I like the way gel ink moves across paper lines. I like highlighting, color coordinating my day, and crossing off items from my to do list. Ironically, I also have three google calendars synced to manage my family life, work life, and school life. But there’s something about this planner that I love. The planner is embedded with prayers, bible verses, and holy days. It reminds to pray, read scripture and give thanks. It allots portions and pages to emphasize whether I am eating well or taking care of myself.
The past two days, I have reflected on some of the amazing accomplishments I completed the last year and a half. I’ve been doodling some of my 2021 goals in this planner. It has been an insane journey. In 2018 I made the decision to quit my job. I knew I was worth more, and that there were more possibilities for me elsewhere. I increased my income significantly as a contractor, paid off my credits cards, paid off my private loans, paid off my husband’s private loans, paid off both of our cars, and managed to pay for my pharmacy school interviews and applications. All within two years. All while going to school to fulfill prerequisites, full-time. All of this happened because I quit a job that didn’t see my potential. I took a leap of faith. Do you see where I’m headed here? We have to know our potential, we have to envision our future, write it down, plan it out, and then it comes into fruition. Because we believe in it.
Typically I like to start my day jotting down thoughts, emotions, reviewing all the things I need to accomplish, and determining how I’m going to get from point A to point B. This includes a number of things as of late: finances, whose going to pay my bills in pharmacy school, am I going to work forever, am I going to memorize my top 100 drugs, is this degree worth it? The writing process usually begins with a thousand anxious ideas, thoughts, and what-ifs. It then moves towards a calm and shifts to centeredness that exudes resilience. I am naturally an anxious person, mixed with a little bit of OCD, type A, and perfectionism. It is through the writing process, I get to vomit out all of my daily, weekly, monthly, and annual insecurities. I get throw it all on a sheet paper and then I get to burn it at the end of the year in a bonfire. It is important to remove all of that hidden and not-so-hidden nonsense from our lives. Because if you let it sit there, it will slowly eat at your soul, and it will do everything it can to tell you, “You’re not good enough.” That’s why I have a physical planner, outside of my three google calendars. I need to write it down, I need to remind myself about the small things that matter, I need to have daily prayer and scripture. Because all things have been made possible through Him, and Him alone. So – how are you starting your year? Did you write down your plans? Have you poured your sufferings into prayers? Are you doing okay? 2020 was certainly a difficult year for me. The last three months were plagued with so much suffering but He always prevails and provides. Do not lose faith – there is always hope, even in the midst of loss and grievance. A whole lot of love,