I have to pinch myself often. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe I am now one month into Pharmacy school. At this exact time last yer I was getting ready to interview at Anschutz’s medical campus. Pharmacy school feels manageable when curveballs are not being thrown my way, I feel incredibly apt to tackle the work load and asks of me. But surprises make me feel like I’m one touch from toppling over.
Some of the tools I’ve found incredibly helpful so far are my: iPad, apple pencil, 2020 organizer, laptop, notability, airpods, and my hydroflasks. I have my calendar synced to all my apple devices but my physical organizer contains small details I easily overlook. For example, “Have I paid the bills, do I need to drop off rent, did I finish my notecards? Do my dogs have an appointment?”
My work and school load has been “manageable” but there are personal things that have taken on more of an emotional brunt for me. It’s incredibly difficult to balance school while trying to meet the expectations of being a Hmong woman/wife/daughter. There are a lot of feelings that I am still processing but I am wholly grateful my husband reminds me to eat, walk, and drink water. He is so kind, patient, loving and good to me. We are not perfect – and we both make mistakes, but he has really stepped up since I’ve started school. On my busier days (Mondays and Wednesdays), he sneaks in coconut water during my live zoom class sessions, brings in sliced fruits for me, or provides me with a cup of coffee during days I can hardly keep my eyes open. He’s finally learned my love language (acts of service), and I am incredibly grateful for the grace he provides me with. He is my favorite human being and my best friend. I could not imagine zoom-pandemic-pharmacy school without him.
Today I also received great news that my credit score peaked above the 800 mark. This is a huge feat for me, especially because I have been on my own for so long. A lot of people assume that my parents helped me through college leading up to my marriage but that is, unfortunately, not the case. My childhood home environment did not foster a climate that could help me succeed. I left for college at seventeen and never went back. So why does this matter? This matters because it means I am one step closer to breaking intergenerational cycles of massive debt and oppressive gendered traditions. I’ve become an exception that has defied the statistics but so much more work still needs to be done. I have somehow jumped over the barriers so many Hmong women encounter when trying to independently pursue higher education and financial stability. But it is only one step in the right direction.
The path God has planned for me carries a heavy weight. I am more than willing to take the cross and use the gifts, He’s provided me, to walk into the right direction. But it is often not an easy path, and is the road less traveled. I am blessed He continuously grants me an abundance of love that overflows. I am blessed He forgives me when I am tired, exhausted, and not empathetic. Juggling school, work, and family has not been easy. But I’m doing my best – and that’s all that matters, right?
A whole lot of love,