Progress, time, day 5.

It is day 5 of lent.  So far my husband and I have been relatively disciplined with our lent commitment, then again, it’s only been day 5.  My husband holds me accountable on days like today.  I’ve been in a bad head space the past few weeks, and today I really did not want to run my mile.  I am feeling beat up, unloved, unappreciated, and my anxiety is getting the best of me.  But today we got up and ran anyways. Lent is teaching me a lot about discipline, faith, and resilience.

How do I hold onto my faith, and move anyways, even on the days I feel empty, vulnerable and hollow?  I just do. What is works without faith or faith without works?  The foundation of my faith is weak and needs rebuilding.

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I am lacking in faith and I am trying to grasp things and hold it all in my hands. The reality is:  I’ve done my part and I need to let God do the rest.  It is unsettling, uneasy, and many parts of me feel helpless and insecure.  But it is a much needed leap of faith that I need to take.

 

Love,

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