Lungs. Breathing.

You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages. – Michelle Obama

The first two weeks of the year have been pretty rough on me physically and mentally.  I’ve gleefully accepted these as adversities that will strengthen me and bring me closer to my goals.  I have accepted that these challenges will help define me and make me hungrier for the visions God has in store for me.

On January 4th I was diagnosed with the flu, strain B, in urgent care.  I was told to get rest because my respiratory system wasn’t responding very well to it.  The evening of January 8th, my lungs started making a rattling noise that could be heard approximately six feet away from me.  On January 8th, I was diagnosed with bronchitis and informed I could not return to work until the 14th.  On January 10th, I was informed calcium deposits were found in my lung nodules, and that I would need a CT scan to ensure they weren’t tumors.  On January 12th, I found out I would not move into the next rounds of a scholarship I spent months prepping for.

What a start.

I could look at all of this and be like, “Whoa. Where do I get from here? I was supposed to save money in the month of January, instead I lost money. I did not get the 40k scholarship I worked so diligently applying for.  I might have lung tumors, I’ve been getting x rays on-off my whole life and I’ve never needed CT scan follow ups, due to respiratory issues.  So there must be a larger concern that isn’t being relayed to me.

But I won’t. I refuse to look at it that way.

Instead I’ll say,

“I finally allowed myself to truly express the hardships that have brought me to this exact point. Sure, I did not get the $40k scholarship but I received $7k during that time through other scholarships.  Yes, there are implications and red flags that I may have lung tumors, but it could also have been a false positive related to the fact that I need to let my body rest.  I did not let my body rest throughout all of 2019, nor did I take care of it well. The mind is linked to the physical, and the physical to the mind.

I refuse to start my year looking at the glass half – empty.  I hope you all have been well.  I will keep you posted on my CT scan results, once those come in.  Please continue to pray over me during this healing process.

Love,

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All photos, writings, poems, and opinions are my own.

 

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