I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are
I’m listening to Kari Jobe’s “You Are for Me.” I’m not sure why but the lyrics to these song are imprinting so perfectly onto my heart right now. I haven’t wrote about my spiritual walk in awhile and thought it would be good to just touch base on that.
I can’t say this enough but God has blessed me so much, and relying on Him wholeheartedly has blessed me: Blessing upon blessings. This year was really rough, and last year it ended on such off-notes. I was newly married but also experienced one of the saddest moments: the day of my Hmong wedding, my Mom publicly stated she would not bless my marriage, in front of three hundred people. I grappled with this experience profoundly at the end and beginning of the year. For this reason, I chose to not have her present for my American wedding and only shared my exchange of vows with an intimate group of individuals. I have never and will never be good enough for my Mom. She let everyone know how she truly felt about me (for once), at a moment that should have been one of the happiest days of my life. In many ways it liberated me because I no longer felt the need to pretend we had a functional relationship.
While processing all of these complex emotional experiences, my husband lost his job at the beginning of the year. Through all of these moments I knew God’s love was unwavering. In many ways, I never doubted that God is for me. These experiences emboldened me and continue to make me a better servant and warrior. My cup is full and is spilling over. God blessed my husband with a new and better job, salary, and benefits and He gave me a path to follow my dreams.
I can not tell you enough how many nights I cried this year. Nights where I felt broken, not good enough, awful for doing the ethically right thing, and physically exhausted. But you were all with me, every step of the way. It’s kind of strange how this blog began. When it first started I just wanted to share my husband and my traveling lifestyle with all of you. It developed into something so much deeper. I never thought I would have a platform with hundreds of subscribers and followers but I do. You continuously remain invested in my ups, downs, hardships, struggles, and moments of resilience. Thank you for staying with me on a platform in which I’ve hoped to remain truly authentic to my deepest self. I guess our next journey together, is the path through and to Pharmacy school.
Love and light,