So oddly, I fell off a bit with my posts after August. I was transitioning in my new contract job and then experienced an unexpected loss in the family. In the midst of all this, I was also planning my Hmong and American wedding, and acting as the program director for a local non-profit. There were so many moving parts, in my life, that I didn’t know how to articulate the chaotic emotions. For all purposes of honesty, it was important for me to heal a bit after my Hmong wedding. There were so many things that went wrong, I couldn’t see what could go right. Does that make sense?
It’s Sunday morning and I decided not to attend my brother’s birthday trip to Big Bear. Three of my brothers are born in January, so it’s kind of a lot. I’ve also been traveling so much that I haven’t had time to clean, do laundry, reorganize, or recuperate. My room is a hot mess. I asked my partner to reorganize it – a few months ago but it’s not working out too well in terms of organization. So I think I’ll spend the day reorganizing, cleaning, and catching up with my new biology course. We’re scheduled to go to Sacramento on Saturday – for a close friend’s wedding. So we still need to pack for that. I don’t want to fall two months behind in cleaning. That’s too much for me. As an introvert who thrives in organized clutter (ha, yes I just said that) – I do need to have organized clutter. Right now, it’s just a mess.
On the plus side, I just cleaned the entire bathroom and am feeling really great so far.
On the not-so-plus side … I’ve been awake for four hours and have only completed one item of the ten that I need to complete.
I started a few of my resolutions this weekend. Whoo-hoo to resolutions. I’ve completed 1 of my 50 books for 2019 and I’m on my second book, “Prince Charming Isn’t Coming.” Steve and I scheduled our first mortgage consultation for January and we are meeting with a financial advisor to discuss how to invest and save with our existing portfolios. Let’s just say we aren’t on track. 😛 I’m in a strange point with my life career-wise and really/truly have been these past four years. I’ve been praying a lot for God’s guidance on my next steps. I have a lot of opportunities and directions I can move in. I think that in itself is such a blessing. Right now I am refining where I want to go with my skill set and talents. It’s something I am leaning heavily on God to guide me with. I know that he will choose the right direction for me, nonetheless, and am excited for what is in store in the upcoming years. It’s been a long road and I’m glad I waited to really search for what my heart desired, wanted, and needed.
I found so much healing in 2018 that any anxiety, stress, depression, or hopelessness I dealt with from 2015-2017 truly feels like a distant speck in my past. Once I let go of the opinions of others and put myself first, everything else just followed. I dedicate and work hard in everything I do, and life has always repaid me for that. I’m not sure why I stressed so much about things that truly didn’t matter. Trauma has a way of exacerbating the ugliest parts of us. It is so very important to heal those wounds so that we can move on with our lives in a healthy and upbeat way. Especially because we need to love our own self, in order to radiate in other people’s lives. Happy new year.
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