The State of Me.

A few weeks ago I attended the United State of Women’s 2018 summit.  It was breathtaking, inspirational beyond belief, and really just reminded me of my purpose in life.  Shortly afterward, I was thrust back into my reality.  The reality that many of us face.  Going in and out of toxic environments.  For some of us, it’s our 9-5, others… family.

When do we say, enough is enough, and ask, “When do I put myself first?”

Well, quite frankly, we should always put ourselves first.  It took me breaking down, laying in the dirt (metaphorically), and feeling like nothing, to realize I could not continue living the way I had been.   I was giving all of my talents to push others’ success and at the end of the night … I would ask myself why I surrounded myself with people who reaped from me but refused to support me.  It was a cyclic and toxic cycle.

I started cutting the toxic people out of my life.  The ones who always expected me to give but never showed up for me when I needed them.  I began attending support groups, to uplift me during my partner’s recovery process.  I started being transparent. I came to terms, that I will never be good enough for my parents.  I realized being dishonest about myself, and where I was at, fed into the violent cycle of being “perfect and put together all the time.”  I didn’t want to be superwoman anymore.  I wanted to be human and that meant allowing myself to be vulnerable, laugh, cry, and embrace my whole Self.

So that’s where I’m at.  That is the state of me, right now, on may 26th 2018. It’s been one hell of a ride but it feels good to finally be able to say all of this with confidence and love.

How are you?

So much love,

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All photos, writings, poems, and opinions are my own.

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One Comment

  1. Thank for writing this. I am also aiming to allow myself to be more human, open, and honest with how I’m truly feeling in my interpersonal relationships. Also, it’s amazing that you are taking control of your life and embracing your most authentic self! I couldn’t help but be reminded of Sleeping at Last’s song “Three” and their whole Enneagram series so far.

    Like

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