I started my morning with a twenty minute mindful meditation. Throughout the meditation, I did a series of stretches and deep breaths to relax the tension in my body. It took about twenty minutes for me to clear my mind. It took so long for me to not think about all of things I’m worried about: bills, food, studying, assignments, cleaning, applications, prerequisites, the list goes on… Mindfulness based meditation teaches me to be present in the exact moment in a nonjudgmental way.
I am extremely self-critical. It is hard for me to drown out my own negative self-critiques. Growing up, I rarely heard words of encouragement…let alone, words of acknowledgement… I sought the love and approval of my parents and never received it. Because of this, practicing self-kindness is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever been tasked to do.
I sobbed for thirty minutes last night. I am so exhausted. Crying helped me significantly to just release my frustration. After crying, I did three minutes of planks, walked the dogs for forty five minutes, ate a healthy meal, and did 100 squats. I don’t want to neglect my body just because I’m mentally exhausted. I want to feed my mind and body simultaneously, so that I am not a pent up ball of nerves. These past couple of days I’ve been sad, frustrated, and disappointed.
All that is to say, I pray and read every night that God will guide me, and show me the path He has designed for me.
On the bright side, my ultrasound results came in, and no new tumors were found. My uterine lining is healthy and my left ovary is in great shape. Praise God.
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