Give up the game.

G0074196I sacrificed the game, for Lent.

I started PC gaming profusely in 2015 as a way to numb myself from the harsher newer reality I was encountering.  It was difficult for me to get out of bed and look forward to life.  Gaming helped numb hours of my time and gave me a virtual world to look forward to.  It was also an easy escape to numb the aching pain in my soul, uterus, body, and mind.

I gamed as an adolescent and essentially quit once I became an adult.  Fast forward to 2018, I was spending countless hours (gaming) to numb my lack of passion for life.


For Lent – I decided to give up the PC game that was taking the most time from my schedule.  In return, I would exchange that time to listen to myself, pray, read scripture, heal and enjoy life.

It was difficult.  Really difficult..  Gaming buffered me from facing my demons.  When I removed the game, it forced me to tackle the issues I ran from…. head on.    I felt like a car going eighty miles an hour into a brick wall.  Everything I buried was now flying into my face as bricks: my weight, depression, anger, frustrations, and self-hate.

I needed it…I needed to remove the game so I could hear God’s voice.  I had drowned him out with.  I drowned out his voice with all of my hurt and with technology.  He had been reaching out to me and I actively chose to ignore Him.  By removing, the game, I finally gave myself the chance to listen to my own pain and His grace.

I am not perfect.  I actually gave in one week during Lent and had to restart.  By all means, I am a sinner, I make mistakes, I have outbursts, I am impatient, competitive, and angry.  BUT I am also deserving of love and happiness. I am kind, hopeful, hardworking, loving, loyal, honest and resilient.  I am not defined by my past but my past has molded me into who I am today.

I have been documenting my journey around self love and healing. Feel free to read my previous blogs.

Love and light,

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All photos and opinions are my own.

 

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