I sacrificed the game, for Lent.
I started PC gaming profusely in 2015 as a way to numb myself from the harsher newer reality I was encountering. It was difficult for me to get out of bed and look forward to life. Gaming helped numb hours of my time and gave me a virtual world to look forward to. It was also an easy escape to numb the aching pain in my soul, uterus, body, and mind.
I gamed as an adolescent and essentially quit once I became an adult. Fast forward to 2018, I was spending countless hours (gaming) to numb my lack of passion for life.
For Lent – I decided to give up the PC game that was taking the most time from my schedule. In return, I would exchange that time to listen to myself, pray, read scripture, heal and enjoy life.
It was difficult. Really difficult.. Gaming buffered me from facing my demons. When I removed the game, it forced me to tackle the issues I ran from…. head on. I felt like a car going eighty miles an hour into a brick wall. Everything I buried was now flying into my face as bricks: my weight, depression, anger, frustrations, and self-hate.
I needed it…I needed to remove the game so I could hear God’s voice. I had drowned him out with. I drowned out his voice with all of my hurt and with technology. He had been reaching out to me and I actively chose to ignore Him. By removing, the game, I finally gave myself the chance to listen to my own pain and His grace.
I am not perfect. I actually gave in one week during Lent and had to restart. By all means, I am a sinner, I make mistakes, I have outbursts, I am impatient, competitive, and angry. BUT I am also deserving of love and happiness. I am kind, hopeful, hardworking, loving, loyal, honest and resilient. I am not defined by my past but my past has molded me into who I am today.
I have been documenting my journey around self love and healing. Feel free to read my previous blogs.
Love and light,
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