What if I told you this moment is as it should be?
I am a planner, a perfectionist, a time crunching I have three-types-of-calendars-kind-of perfectionist. One calendar is for my work, the second is for my studies, and the third to schedule dates and meetings with friends. I have planned my entire life for the inevitable, the evitable, and the un-necessary. I planned because I needed to know I would be taken care of. I knew I could not count on anyone to support me, so I needed to figure out how I would pay for college, pay back my student loans, buy my own car, pay the rent, pay for my frequent MRI’s, my specialist visits, and save for my next move. I constantly worried about the future and how I would achieve my goals with no support, it developed into an eternal anxiety that kept me up at night. This tight level planning helped me succeed and survive, until now.
I spent most of my life planning. I rarely chose to live and enjoy life. I know that sounds weird but it’s true. You see all of these beautiful moments and photos and you probably think, “no way.” In fact-the few photos and moments, that you see, are the only moments I felt alive in the 365 days of the year. That means those 2 weeks I captured on camera were the only moments I felt alive in the 52 weeks of the year. Yes. You read that correctly. I rarely chose to enjoy life and to live in the moment. I was consumed with planning for the future. I was constantly organizing my calendars and tidying my room, to plan for the next thing. If you walked into my room right now you would see the following, immediately: my three month goal, my six month goal, my twelve month goal, eighteen month goal, two year goal, and three year goal. I have all of these goals set up for my future family, my career, and education.
Intense, right? Does it make sense why, when my parents chose to not support my financial venture to medical school, I fell apart? I had to move three years of the life that I planned. Tell me that emotion isn’t intense. Three years adjusted for a wedding, a family, education, and job! Imagine if I told you, everything you’ve planned, the last two years, has to be moved back three years now because of life. This is why planning worked – all the way up until now.
While goals are great (they truly are) – they should not consume your life. I was so worried about the future I didn’t even take time to enjoy the moment. Moments with friends, moments to enjoy birthdays, moments enjoying the smile on my dog or partner’s face. Yes, that is my wonderfully cute, loving, lifelong companion of a dog.
So here is the point of this blog. Live. Live in the moment. Embrace the moments. This moment is exactly as it should be, it is meant for laughter, tears, heartbreak, kindness, happiness, and everything in between. It is made for the sunny days, the rainy days, and the days where the wind whispers soft songs onto your cheeks. We are human and we were made to experience life in a profound way.
Matthew 6:31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
With all my heart,