I sat on top of the mountain and cried:

I sat on top of the mountain and cried heavy tears.

I hiked a little over seven miles in total and moved at my own pace throughout the trails.  It was serene.  I would climb to the top of a mountain, gaze into the canyons, and then dangle my legs off the cliff.  I had my wireless bluetooth speakers in my ear – and I would listen to Bethany Dillon’s “Hallelujah” for twenty minutes straight. Alone. By myself. No judgement.

I came to this place to revive my spirit.  I was lost.  I sometimes get lost in the static of our technological world.  The pace we move at, the social media buzz, the desire to portray a perfect life (that isn’t that perfect), and the inability to admit vulnerability in today’s present time and place…  I feel closest to God when I leave all of that behind.  I feel the most revived when I am in his space and creation.  I hear my voice the clearest when I am in this solitude.

Day 2:  It was about 48 degrees when I left my hotel and started driving to the Valley of Fire.  It sprinkled, then rained, and as I drew closer to the canyon – a light snowfall.  By the time I arrived, in the park, it was 50 degrees – the rain had stopped and there was no snow except the ones that laid its footprint in another canyon (see picture).


I was perplexed.  The weather was 40 degrees below what I anticipated.  I stumbled out of my car and felt the cold wind whisper to me.  The air was clean, nothing like the day before, and I was in the peace and quiet of the world.  I could hear the birds singing, smell the fresh rainfall on the earth, and could feel the clay like dirt beneath my feet.

“Where do I begin?”

I took the map, looked at it for a few minutes, and basically said I would try it all. As many trails as my body could handle – knowing I would be driving seven hours home later.


I never felt alone, oddly.  Even as I set up my tripod to capture these photos – I never felt alone.  It’s strange.  I was nervous that I would be judged by others but actually …. once I arrived to the Valley of Fire, I felt at peace.  There are no words to describe being on top of a canyon, by yourself, marveling the beauty of the earth, with the wind speaking to your soul… It’s nostalgic.  I have never felt anything like it in my life.  No, I was not high or drunk, I was absolutely sober – and  still can not put into words this experience.

11_forestry There was a point on the ‘Arrowhead Trail’ where a group of late twenty year olds (?) noticed I was hiking alone.  They asked if I wanted to join them, so they could keep me company, I suppose.  I politely declined. I informed them I traveled seven hours, through a storm, so that I could be here … in this place … by myself.  They looked at me in a puzzled state and we bid farewell.

You see.  I came here to speak to God and to listen to Him only.  To ask for guidance.  To heal my hurt.  I didn’t need the outside world infiltrating what I had come to seek.  Sometimes temptation comes in vast forms:  loneliness, storms, snow, rain, humans.  I was a woman on a mission… I was exactly where I needed to be.

I am exactly where I need to be.


**All photos were taken and belong to me.

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