This week I decided to reactivate my Facebook after being (mostly) off of it the past nine months. I occasionally logged on periodically to show I existed but for the most part remained inactive.
Why am I active on Facebook again or ,better yet, why did I deactivate my Facebook to begin with? Facebook became a place of pain for me. I needed to battle my own demons before I could log back on. I went through two very traumatic surgeries and fell into a state of depression after my second surgery. Whenever I logged back onto Facebook – I felt that I needed to live up to my old flawless (un-traumatized self). That may sound strange but it’s not. Prior to my recent experience – I was a picture perfect robot. Let me explain:
- Smiles only
- Pripped, propped, primed and groomed at all times.
- Always on top of my academic game.
- In shape
After my surgeries the only thing that I was able to do was smile … but even that changed a bit. You could tell I lived through something awful – whereas my past smile felt more naive and sheltered. Like I grew up with a picket fence, wasn’t abused, cheated on, torn/ripped apart, or demoralized.
But I’m back. I’m ready for the challenge, the pain, the heartbreak, the beating ache of the digital realm. No one will stop me.