Excited to wrap up 2016

I can genuinely say that I am excited to wrap up 2016.  I grew a lot in 2016 and followed through with many of my own personal growths and goals.  I, honestly, just wanted to remember what it felt like to be myself again.  After my surgeries in 2013 and 2014 I felt a large part of myself disappear … maybe it was the trauma associated with the surgeries, the hormonal influx as a result of the disease, the dreaded wait and anxiety from putting my life on hold, or even the 2015 results determining whether I would need another surgery.

What ever the case… I gained weight in 2015.  I was depressed, frustrated, anxious and broke.  A fresh graduate from a tier one university with nothing to show at the age of 23.  23?! Yes, a 23 year old, broke, graduate, from a tier one university.  My car was breaking down, I was drowning in school loans and medical debt, and nobody was going to save me (quite literally).

I am not sure what it was about 2016 … but I felt like I finally developed the backbone and support system needed to transition to the next part of my life.  I spent 2016 rebuilding a broken part of myself and I am so happy I did that. I have a lot of family members, in my life, who throw shady/degrading comments but none of them actually care to ask how I had been suffering in my own body.  It’s a really shitty place to be in, especially when those people are your parents and/or siblings.  Let me tell you this though… when you put your mental health first – your physical health will quickly follow.

I spent the first half of the year rebuilding my support systems, meditating, minimizing toxic people exposure (really hard to do when many of them are family), and focusing on the short term goals that lead to long term goals.  What quickly followed was the transition to my physical health. I started working out again once my mind was in a stronger state.  It was small… 7 minute intervals of 4 high intensity workouts (with a lot of breaks in between)!  It then progressed to smaller breaks. And now, I’m running 3-5 times a week outside of my squats, planks, and steps.

I am proud of myself.  I accomplished so many things, this year! I took my second vacation, ever. The first being Big Sur,CA last year!  I took time, let myself breathe, and enjoyed life a bit (who knew). Do I regret it? Not right now. I might wake up 5 years from now and ask why I took this break but, for now, I am so proud I took this much needed break to regather myself.

“APPLY WITHIN

You once told me
You wanted to find
Yourself in the world –
And I told you to
First apply within,
To discover the world
within you.

You once told me
You wanted to save
The world from all its wars –
And I told you to
First save yourself
From the world,
And all the wars
You put yourself
Through.

by Suzy Kassem”

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